Unity La Vitalis: Immortal Loss [v0.06 Beta] [B-flat]

[Pramaho42]

Still not feeling it, and they're adding disgusting ningens next patch instead of cool things like slugs or facehuggers? Wish we got Agnietta 2.
Game also can't decide if it wants to use dualshock or xbox buttons.

 

[f9account]

“Fluent” is not how I would describe the English in this game LOL, regardless of what the goals were.

What part of the English are you referring to?

 

[muschi26]

What part of the English are you referring to?

There are lots of little errors and such which add up quickly.

I replayed the intro just to get a few concrete examples:

• “The twilight birds invite me to their pale moonlight dance.”
   “To” the dance? Is the Pale Moonlight Dance a specific event? Seems to me like it should be “into”.
  “Pale moonlight dance” also sounds off, like it would be a dance celebrating the pale moonlight; if “dance” here is a metaphor for the flight of the birds, then it should be “moonlit”.
  
  
• “Vexing…where is everyone?”
   Leaving aside the improper typesetting and capitalization (it should be, depending on which style is used, “Vexing. … Where is everyone?” or similar; the lowercase w makes it seem like she’s asking Vexing a question; but anyway, this is a problem that pervades all written media, not just this one game), “vexing” is overused throughout the game in this manner and sounds especially strange used alone as an exclamation. If it were “how vexing!” or the like, it would pass better, but as is, I’m convinced it’s just a direct translation of Chinese.
  
  
• “Sister Sapphina, did you vacate your watch duties again?”
   You vacate an area or a position; she could have vacated her post, but it can’t be used here as a synonym of “shirk” or the like.
  
  
• “I’ll need to report to Mother Superior Zirconia this vitubrative breach of regulations.”
   First, and I might be mistaken, but I think “Mother Superior” is a term of address. She could’ve said “Mother Superior” alone, or “Mother Zirconia”, but having the two together sounds off. It’s like you can say “Mr. President” or “President Joe Biden”, but “Mr. President Joe Biden” feels wrong (to me anyway).
   Second, “vitubrative” is not a word. It sounds like “vituperative”, but that makes no sense in context, as that means “which uses injurious language” (e.g. “a vituperative comment”). My guess is they were going for “vituperous”—which means the same, but also has a second definition, namely “blameworthy”—and bungled it.
   Third, “breach of regulation” feels off. It would be a “breach of regulation” if she had sneaked out past curfew, but here Vita is commenting on how sister Sapphina is evading her duties.
   Fourth, the order is wrong: “I’ll need to report this . . . to Mother Superior,” not “. . . report to Mother Superior this . . .”
  
  
• “What’s that virulent little creature doing here?”
   “Virulent” seems to be used a lot as a generic word for “bad”, which isn’t even correct, but it’s also a word that stands out a lot, so repetitive uses get tiresome. (“Vile” also is overused, although it’s a bit more appropriate meaningwise.)
  
  
• Honeysuckles are not roses. No need to elaborate.
  
  
• “Despite being a virgin, Vita was not completely naive regarding sexuality from her studies…”
   The phrasing “Vita was not completely naïve . . . from her studies” is weird, and interposing “regarding sexuality” makes it even more so. The meaning is clear, but, as a quick fix, maybe something like “on account of her studies” would be better?
  
  
• “What . . . manner of virulent…poison is this?”
   Again with the “virulent”: “What manner of poisonous poison is this?” Also, “manner” is more properly used for ways or methods, rather than types or sorts, but that’s a minor issue.
  
  
• That last section with the tentacles uses the word “sweet” like ten times.

 

[LaMiiin]

There are lots of little errors and such which add up quickly.

I replayed the intro just to get a few concrete examples:

• “The twilight birds invite me to their pale moonlight dance.”
   “To” the dance? Is the Pale Moonlight Dance a specific event? Seems to me like it should be “into”.
  “Pale moonlight dance” also sounds off, like it would be a dance celebrating the pale moonlight; if “dance” here is a metaphor for the flight of the birds, then it should be “moonlit”.
  
  
• “Vexing…where is everyone?”
   Leaving aside the improper typesetting and capitalization (it should be, depending on which style is used, “Vexing. … Where is everyone?” or similar; the lowercase w makes it seem like she’s asking Vexing a question; but anyway, this is a problem that pervades all written media, not just this one game), “vexing” is overused throughout the game in this manner and sounds especially strange used alone as an exclamation. If it were “how vexing!” or the like, it would pass better, but as is, I’m convinced it’s just a direct translation of Chinese.
  
  
• “Sister Sapphina, did you vacate your watch duties again?”
   You vacate an area or a position; she could have vacated her post, but it can’t be used here as a synonym of “shirk” or the like.
  
  
• “I’ll need to report to Mother Superior Zirconia this vitubrative breach of regulations.”
   First, and I might be mistaken, but I think “Mother Superior” is a term of address. She could’ve said “Mother Superior” alone, or “Mother Zirconia”, but having the two together sounds off. It’s like you can say “Mr. President” or “President Joe Biden”, but “Mr. President Joe Biden” feels wrong (to me anyway).
   Second, “vitubrative” is not a word. It sounds like “vituperative”, but that makes no sense in context, as that means “which uses injurious language” (e.g. “a vituperative comment”). My guess is they were going for “vituperous”—which means the same, but also has a second definition, namely “blameworthy”—and bungled it.
   Third, “breach of regulation” feels off. It would be a “breach of regulation” if she had sneaked out past curfew, but here Vita is commenting on how sister Sapphina is evading her duties.
   Fourth, the order is wrong: “I’ll need to report this . . . to Mother Superior,” not “. . . report to Mother Superior this . . .”
  
  
• “What’s that virulent little creature doing here?”
   “Virulent” seems to be used a lot as a generic word for “bad”, which isn’t even correct, but it’s also a word that stands out a lot, so repetitive uses get tiresome. (“Vile” also is overused, although it’s a bit more appropriate meaningwise.)
  
  
• Honeysuckles are not roses. No need to elaborate.
  
  
• “Despite being a virgin, Vita was not completely naive regarding sexuality from her studies…”
   The phrasing “Vita was not completely naïve . . . from her studies” is weird, and interposing “regarding sexuality” makes it even more so. The meaning is clear, but, as a quick fix, maybe something like “on account of her studies” would be better?
  
  
• “What . . . manner of virulent…poison is this?”
   Again with the “virulent”: “What manner of poisonous poison is this?” Also, “manner” is more properly used for ways or methods, rather than types or sorts, but that’s a minor issue.
  
  
• That last section with the tentacles uses the word “sweet” like ten times.

From what you described, I also think the EN story of the game could be a machine translation or whatever. I'm a Chinese and the CN story of the game reads normal. Bflat seems to be Chinese too so I guess they just haven't perfected the English translation yet.

 

[O&M's]

There are lots of little errors and such which add up quickly.

I replayed the intro just to get a few concrete examples:

• “The twilight birds invite me to their pale moonlight dance.”
   “To” the dance? Is the Pale Moonlight Dance a specific event? Seems to me like it should be “into”.
  “Pale moonlight dance” also sounds off, like it would be a dance celebrating the pale moonlight; if “dance” here is a metaphor for the flight of the birds, then it should be “moonlit”.
  
  
• “Vexing…where is everyone?”
   Leaving aside the improper typesetting and capitalization (it should be, depending on which style is used, “Vexing. … Where is everyone?” or similar; the lowercase w makes it seem like she’s asking Vexing a question; but anyway, this is a problem that pervades all written media, not just this one game), “vexing” is overused throughout the game in this manner and sounds especially strange used alone as an exclamation. If it were “how vexing!” or the like, it would pass better, but as is, I’m convinced it’s just a direct translation of Chinese.
  
  
• “Sister Sapphina, did you vacate your watch duties again?”
   You vacate an area or a position; she could have vacated her post, but it can’t be used here as a synonym of “shirk” or the like.
  
  
• “I’ll need to report to Mother Superior Zirconia this vitubrative breach of regulations.”
   First, and I might be mistaken, but I think “Mother Superior” is a term of address. She could’ve said “Mother Superior” alone, or “Mother Zirconia”, but having the two together sounds off. It’s like you can say “Mr. President” or “President Joe Biden”, but “Mr. President Joe Biden” feels wrong (to me anyway).
   Second, “vitubrative” is not a word. It sounds like “vituperative”, but that makes no sense in context, as that means “which uses injurious language” (e.g. “a vituperative comment”). My guess is they were going for “vituperous”—which means the same, but also has a second definition, namely “blameworthy”—and bungled it.
   Third, “breach of regulation” feels off. It would be a “breach of regulation” if she had sneaked out past curfew, but here Vita is commenting on how sister Sapphina is evading her duties.
   Fourth, the order is wrong: “I’ll need to report this . . . to Mother Superior,” not “. . . report to Mother Superior this . . .”
  
  
• “What’s that virulent little creature doing here?”
   “Virulent” seems to be used a lot as a generic word for “bad”, which isn’t even correct, but it’s also a word that stands out a lot, so repetitive uses get tiresome. (“Vile” also is overused, although it’s a bit more appropriate meaningwise.)
  
  
• Honeysuckles are not roses. No need to elaborate.
  
  
• “Despite being a virgin, Vita was not completely naive regarding sexuality from her studies…”
   The phrasing “Vita was not completely naïve . . . from her studies” is weird, and interposing “regarding sexuality” makes it even more so. The meaning is clear, but, as a quick fix, maybe something like “on account of her studies” would be better?
  
  
• “What . . . manner of virulent…poison is this?”
   Again with the “virulent”: “What manner of poisonous poison is this?” Also, “manner” is more properly used for ways or methods, rather than types or sorts, but that’s a minor issue.
  
  
• That last section with the tentacles uses the word “sweet” like ten times.

This is WAY BEYOND fluent, thanks for the university-level English lesson, lmao.

EDIT: Just wanna add, I agree that it quickly gets tedious to read in its current state.

 

[Kenny567]

From what you described, I also think the EN story of the game could be a machine translation or whatever. I'm a Chinese and the CN story of the game reads normal. Bflat seems to be Chinese too so I guess they just haven't perfected the English translation yet.

To be fair, it is still early into development of the game.

Nobody should be expecting a perfect translation to non-native to the dev languages just yet.
As long as it is readable and gets the story across should be enough for now.

I personally wouldn't be expecting the proper translation until at least either quarter-way or half-way towards v1.0

 

[Trigard]

There are lots of little errors and such which add up quickly.

I replayed the intro just to get a few concrete examples:

• “The twilight birds invite me to their pale moonlight dance.”
   “To” the dance? Is the Pale Moonlight Dance a specific event? Seems to me like it should be “into”.
  “Pale moonlight dance” also sounds off, like it would be a dance celebrating the pale moonlight; if “dance” here is a metaphor for the flight of the birds, then it should be “moonlit”.
  
  
• “Vexing…where is everyone?”
   Leaving aside the improper typesetting and capitalization (it should be, depending on which style is used, “Vexing. … Where is everyone?” or similar; the lowercase w makes it seem like she’s asking Vexing a question; but anyway, this is a problem that pervades all written media, not just this one game), “vexing” is overused throughout the game in this manner and sounds especially strange used alone as an exclamation. If it were “how vexing!” or the like, it would pass better, but as is, I’m convinced it’s just a direct translation of Chinese.
  
  
• “Sister Sapphina, did you vacate your watch duties again?”
   You vacate an area or a position; she could have vacated her post, but it can’t be used here as a synonym of “shirk” or the like.
  
  
• “I’ll need to report to Mother Superior Zirconia this vitubrative breach of regulations.”
   First, and I might be mistaken, but I think “Mother Superior” is a term of address. She could’ve said “Mother Superior” alone, or “Mother Zirconia”, but having the two together sounds off. It’s like you can say “Mr. President” or “President Joe Biden”, but “Mr. President Joe Biden” feels wrong (to me anyway).
   Second, “vitubrative” is not a word. It sounds like “vituperative”, but that makes no sense in context, as that means “which uses injurious language” (e.g. “a vituperative comment”). My guess is they were going for “vituperous”—which means the same, but also has a second definition, namely “blameworthy”—and bungled it.
   Third, “breach of regulation” feels off. It would be a “breach of regulation” if she had sneaked out past curfew, but here Vita is commenting on how sister Sapphina is evading her duties.
   Fourth, the order is wrong: “I’ll need to report this . . . to Mother Superior,” not “. . . report to Mother Superior this . . .”
  
  
• “What’s that virulent little creature doing here?”
   “Virulent” seems to be used a lot as a generic word for “bad”, which isn’t even correct, but it’s also a word that stands out a lot, so repetitive uses get tiresome. (“Vile” also is overused, although it’s a bit more appropriate meaningwise.)
  
  
• Honeysuckles are not roses. No need to elaborate.
  
  
• “Despite being a virgin, Vita was not completely naive regarding sexuality from her studies…”
   The phrasing “Vita was not completely naïve . . . from her studies” is weird, and interposing “regarding sexuality” makes it even more so. The meaning is clear, but, as a quick fix, maybe something like “on account of her studies” would be better?
  
  
• “What . . . manner of virulent…poison is this?”
   Again with the “virulent”: “What manner of poisonous poison is this?” Also, “manner” is more properly used for ways or methods, rather than types or sorts, but that’s a minor issue.
  
  
• That last section with the tentacles uses the word “sweet” like ten times.

It's still only the third beta. Give them time to proofread and edit. Writing takes a lot of effort and creativity and even the best writers have to go over their work several times before it's perfect. Even The Agnietta had awkward English until it was proofread and edited several times:
https://attachments.f95zone.to/2021/01/1033412_94fbb53b717d49b16bd7c6cf12bd3de0.jpg https://attachments.f95zone.to/2021/01/1033411_2ca1dc39259d275367297a0987e90503.png https://attachments.f95zone.to/2021/01/1033427_0a3f823a41e3a92d8d92ccbe696c13ca.png

 

[prodigy]

God have mercy. Game is translated to something understable on get go but there will be always someone who will bitch about minor translation errors.

 

[detour1805]

just finished the demo , is this guy going to make a darksouls of hentai

 

[Whotfisthis]

just finished the demo , is this guy going to make a darksouls of hentai

Dark Souls implies being hard, other than the aesthetics of the Bloodborne looking period, I don't think there's anything in common with Souls-like games
If you do want hentai Dark Souls then there are the Black Souls games

 

[detour1805]

Dark Souls implies being hard, other than the aesthetics of the Bloodborne looking period, I don't think there's anything in common with Souls-like games
If you do want hentai Dark Souls then there are the Black Souls games

not saying it is hard ,I mean the aesthetics and the mechanics of how lvling and save points works

 

[clonefiter_]

There are lots of little errors and such which add up quickly.

I replayed the intro just to get a few concrete examples:

• “The twilight birds invite me to their pale moonlight dance.”
   “To” the dance? Is the Pale Moonlight Dance a specific event? Seems to me like it should be “into”.
  “Pale moonlight dance” also sounds off, like it would be a dance celebrating the pale moonlight; if “dance” here is a metaphor for the flight of the birds, then it should be “moonlit”.
  
  
• “Vexing…where is everyone?”
   Leaving aside the improper typesetting and capitalization (it should be, depending on which style is used, “Vexing. … Where is everyone?” or similar; the lowercase w makes it seem like she’s asking Vexing a question; but anyway, this is a problem that pervades all written media, not just this one game), “vexing” is overused throughout the game in this manner and sounds especially strange used alone as an exclamation. If it were “how vexing!” or the like, it would pass better, but as is, I’m convinced it’s just a direct translation of Chinese.
  
  
• “Sister Sapphina, did you vacate your watch duties again?”
   You vacate an area or a position; she could have vacated her post, but it can’t be used here as a synonym of “shirk” or the like.
  
  
• “I’ll need to report to Mother Superior Zirconia this vitubrative breach of regulations.”
   First, and I might be mistaken, but I think “Mother Superior” is a term of address. She could’ve said “Mother Superior” alone, or “Mother Zirconia”, but having the two together sounds off. It’s like you can say “Mr. President” or “President Joe Biden”, but “Mr. President Joe Biden” feels wrong (to me anyway).
   Second, “vitubrative” is not a word. It sounds like “vituperative”, but that makes no sense in context, as that means “which uses injurious language” (e.g. “a vituperative comment”). My guess is they were going for “vituperous”—which means the same, but also has a second definition, namely “blameworthy”—and bungled it.
   Third, “breach of regulation” feels off. It would be a “breach of regulation” if she had sneaked out past curfew, but here Vita is commenting on how sister Sapphina is evading her duties.
   Fourth, the order is wrong: “I’ll need to report this . . . to Mother Superior,” not “. . . report to Mother Superior this . . .”
  
  
• “What’s that virulent little creature doing here?”
   “Virulent” seems to be used a lot as a generic word for “bad”, which isn’t even correct, but it’s also a word that stands out a lot, so repetitive uses get tiresome. (“Vile” also is overused, although it’s a bit more appropriate meaningwise.)
  
  
• Honeysuckles are not roses. No need to elaborate.
  
  
• “Despite being a virgin, Vita was not completely naive regarding sexuality from her studies…”
   The phrasing “Vita was not completely naïve . . . from her studies” is weird, and interposing “regarding sexuality” makes it even more so. The meaning is clear, but, as a quick fix, maybe something like “on account of her studies” would be better?
  
  
• “What . . . manner of virulent…poison is this?”
   Again with the “virulent”: “What manner of poisonous poison is this?” Also, “manner” is more properly used for ways or methods, rather than types or sorts, but that’s a minor issue.
  
  
• That last section with the tentacles uses the word “sweet” like ten times.

smh my head....
1. This is a porn game, it's not something that's going to undergo as much translation as something like a book or research paper.
2. You are the one making mistakes in your "corrections." If you are going to correct the translating, either do it yourself, give the input to the translators, or keep it to yourself.
3. Clearly you didn't pass highschool english.... Words don't have to be tied to their exact meaning on google... It's pretty clear you saw a word you didn't understand and searched it up, then thought, "wow, the other coomers will think I'm so smart when I correct this translation that was correctly done."
4. This game isn't set in our modern day. Sayings were different in different time periods, and the writes and translators are trying to portray this. Being a game about magic, witches, tentacle monsters, and flying penises, I would think they are going to use language that these people in their time may use.

 

[muschi26]

smh my head....
1. This is a porn game, it's not something that's going to undergo as much translation as something like a book or research paper.
2. You are the one making mistakes in your "corrections." If you are going to correct the translating, either do it yourself, give the input to the translators, or keep it to yourself.
3. Clearly you didn't pass highschool english.... Words don't have to be tied to their exact meaning on google... It's pretty clear you saw a word you didn't understand and searched it up, then thought, "wow, the other coomers will think I'm so smart when I correct this translation that was correctly done."
4. This game isn't set in our modern day. Sayings were different in different time periods, and the writes and translators are trying to portray this. Being a game about magic, witches, tentacle monsters, and flying penises, I would think they are going to use language that these people in their time may use.

1. So what if it’s a porn game? Does that mean people should intentionally do a shoddy job with the translation? While I understand the writing probably isn’t the focus for anyone playing, good writing and a good translation certainly won’t make the game worse.
2. It’s possible I got things wrong. While I do think I generally have a pretty good command of English, I obviously don’t know it all. I also can’t compare with the Chinese version, as I don’t know Chinese.
3. No, this is quite literally what was going through my head as I was going through the opening scene. I did look up some words to make sure my intuition did align with the “standard” definition (it didn’t always—for instance, the game used the verb “strain” in a way that felt off to me, but was apparently correct according to the dictionary). The only word I looked up because I didn’t know it was “vituperative.”
4. I’m not an expert on historical Englishes, but I have read some Shakespeare and some 19th century authors such as the Brontë sisters; this game sounds like neither of them. Even if the intent was to make the game sound weird on account of it being fantasy, at some point, if you make it too weird, it just sounds like incorrect English.

 

[clonefiter_]

1. So what if it’s a porn game? Does that mean people should intentionally do a shoddy job with the translation? While I understand the writing probably isn’t the focus for anyone playing, good writing and a good translation certainly won’t make the game worse.
2. It’s possible I got things wrong. While I do think I generally have a pretty good command of English, I obviously don’t know it all. I also can’t compare with the Chinese version, as I don’t know Chinese.
3. No, this is quite literally what was going through my head as I was going through the opening scene. I did look up some words to make sure my intuition did align with the “standard” definition (it didn’t always—for instance, the game used the verb “strain” in a way that felt off to me, but was apparently correct according to the dictionary). The only word I looked up because I didn’t know it was “vituperative.”
4. I’m not an expert on historical Englishes, but I have read some Shakespeare and some 19th century authors such as the Brontë sisters; this game sounds like neither of them. Even if the intent was to make the game sound weird on account of it being fantasy, at some point, if you make it too weird, it just sounds like incorrect English.

lol ok... you sound like you would have a roman statue as your pfp on twitter. This is a site for "pirated" porn games, not for historical and ethical discourse.

 

[TJ412]

1. So what if it’s a porn game? Does that mean people should intentionally do a shoddy job with the translation? While I understand the writing probably isn’t the focus for anyone playing, good writing and a good translation certainly won’t make the game worse.
2. It’s possible I got things wrong. While I do think I generally have a pretty good command of English, I obviously don’t know it all. I also can’t compare with the Chinese version, as I don’t know Chinese.
3. No, this is quite literally what was going through my head as I was going through the opening scene. I did look up some words to make sure my intuition did align with the “standard” definition (it didn’t always—for instance, the game used the verb “strain” in a way that felt off to me, but was apparently correct according to the dictionary). The only word I looked up because I didn’t know it was “vituperative.”
4. I’m not an expert on historical Englishes, but I have read some Shakespeare and some 19th century authors such as the Brontë sisters; this game sounds like neither of them. Even if the intent was to make the game sound weird on account of it being fantasy, at some point, if you make it too weird, it just sounds like incorrect English.

Right sure that's all well and good - it's a porn game being developed by a foreign developer with limited resources. If the accuracy and quality of the translation and writing matters this much to you, I'd suggest getting in contact with B-Flat and offer to improve it.

Me? I'm just glad to get a version from said developer that's more than good enough for me to understand what's going on, who people are, and how to progress through the game.

 

[Trigard]

Don't worry, as I mentioned Agnietta wasn't good at English either from the start. Give people time to fix the bugs, it's really a lot of work, if you don't believe me try making a game and marking the area that will receive damage and that will deal it, then connect it with code and play it into one. I guarantee you that at least once you'll want to throw your monitor out the window like I did haha. Translators know about the bugs and work on them when they can. Everyone has their own life and problems and can't devote their time 24/7 because some bigger or smaller tentacles on the forum want to have a diamond from the demo version. Give people time sorry for english I use translator

 

[Whotfisthis]

At the end of the day, it's still some decent feedback on the translation, which means there's a good chance that the translation - and by extension, the game - would be improved. I see it as a win for everyone in my book, no need to get heated over it

Granted these translation nitpicks are hella easy to miss if you just skim over the text like I did

 

[bluemoonflower]

I'm a little confused. Are there more stages to the demo than just the sewers? Or am I missing some sort of hidden path to get to the lever, because all I've managed to do is loop around the same two areas for the past 15 minutes?

 

[BoySu]

+1

 

[Summer Dante]

I can see this being litt af in future.